I feel like my heart has been torn into pieces, and my fat fucking body has to pay the price.

I am so empty, so alone, and I need this so badly. I need to make her happy, because I have failed everyone else. I need to feel the burn, and the ache, and overcome every craving.

I need the numbers to drop, and my being get smaller, while my will and strength get stronger.

I can do this. I knoww that I can

I feel broken and cracked, destroyed and desperate.

I ate so much today, which is absolutely disgusting, it's hard being on holiday, I'm always with Helen, and there are so many days I can make excuses, I don't want to hurt her. It kills me to think how she'd feel if she knew the turmoil inside of me.